Tom “她做得漂亮”, remarked my 2nd Uncle after the memorial service on 3rd June 2023. These words summed up the beautiful life that grandma (嬷嬷 – pronounced as mama or mámǎ) led throughout her 97 years (Lunar) of walk on this earth.
Her Last Moments
On the morning of 31st May 2023, Mdm Chuan Soo Kiang (henceforth referred to as mama) was found with purplish skin on her extremities and experienced difficulties in breathing. Soon after, emergency services were called in. According to Ah Girl’s account (our family helper), her breathing shifted from slow pants to deep long heaves and then there was none. Enroute, emergency services provided instructions for Ah Girl to carry out CPR. However, prior to arrival of the paramedics, mama had already breathed her last.
Upon arrival at SGH, there was no pulse and the diagnosis was a heart failure that resulted in her demise.
What I Learnt About Mama
Eldest Son’s Sharing – A hardworking, diligent and thrifty mother
During the memorial service, 3 generation of descendants shared their memories about mama.
The first sharing was by Mama’s eldest son who shed light on a little history of her background. Mama was born in Chao Zhou (潮州) in the Guang Dong province (广东省) of China. Born into the Huang family, one might wonder how she ended up with her surname of Chuan (庄). As it turned out, the Chuan family did not yet have a girl in the family and the Huang family wanted the young mama to avoid the Japanese, which by then had advanced close to where mama’s family was. Hence, the adoption was done to the benefit of both families. Interestingly, mama knew about her adoption and still maintained close connection with the Huang family, visiting them twice in China – the latest being in December 2006 with 4th Uncle’s family, both Elder and Younger Aunt as well as mummy.
Sometimes, I wonder how one might feel if you found out that you were an adopted child. As mama’s story unfolds, you’ll find that she was a strong woman who didn’t flinch in the face of adversity but made the best of what she had…
In the 1930s, she arrived in Singapore from China and married my grandfather. Thereafter, their union gave birth to 7 children in Singapore – 5 sons and 2 daughters. Of which, the eldest daughter (who left us to be with the Lord in 2018 – though mama was sad at her loss she remained strong for the family) was the second eldest child and the younger daughter, the youngest of the 7 siblings.
The family of 9 (7 children + Parents) initially lived along Rocher Road, opposite the New 7th Storey Hotel – which was the tallest structure in the Beach Road area, offering guests panoramic sea views then. The building has since been demolished in 2009 to make way for the Downtown Line of Bugis MRT station.
The space where the family lived was cramped because grandfather also had a younger brother, an elder sister and a younger sister who also lived together. The family stayed on the second floor of the shop house, while the first floor was a porcelain store which my great grandfather operated out of. However, business was tough and the porcelain business wound up, giving way to a seed business.
Like most 3rd world countries then, Singapore was an agricultural society. Hence, the family thought that selling seeds which produced crops such as corn as feed for the animals, would be a good business to venture into. However, the seed business soon wound up as well.
The shop space was later rented out for other businesses. But unlike the rental market of today as well as the overwhelming number of people to be fed in those days, life was not easy. To add on to mama’s pressures, grandfather passed on rather early due to drinking and smoking habits. Hence, mama had to work and bring up the 7 children all by herself. A task that would not have been easy for any woman, let alone in those days.
However, mama was an intelligent lady who was thrifty, hardworking and efficient in all she did. She shared with me memories where she would be cooking, taking care of the kids and doing sewing work (as income) all at the same time. Mum added that while the food was cooking (whether it was a stew or rice), she could still be chatting with friends and when the kids returned from school, food would be ready on the table. Superwoman.
Even before the term “productivity” became a buzz word, mama had already put it into action.
Dad recalled that mama not only worked hard to take care of the physical needs of the children, she also made sure that the children had the right morals and values. By telling stories to the kids, she instilled the importance of values such as hard work, piety and being thrifty – values which she espoused herself.
Her years of hard work eventually paid off when all of her children eventually graduated, of which, there were several Masters degree holders and a couple of PhD holders. Mama would fondly recall how proud she was of her children and that the neighbours along Rochor road would put her in high regard as well – to which my youngest aunt remarked “Was that so? Hm…” Well, at least to mama, it was.
Life became better as the children moved on to receive scholarships which helped in the family finances. Up till then, it was still amazing to know how mama had single-handedly brought up the family of 8 (7 children + mama) through the tumultuous period of Singapore’s fledging history of nation building. During this time, she had witnessed World War 2, food and water shortages post-WW2, our struggle for independence, racial riots, outbreak of fires (Bukit Ho Swee), MacDonald House Bombing, using the Singapore dollar for the first time, withdrawal of the British forces, sending her sons to National Service. On a positive note, she had also embraced developments such as computers, television and the prosperity that Singapore now enjoys. It would have taken a rather remarkable and adaptable woman to have navigated these challenges while bringing up the 7 children.
Throughout her life, mama had always been a very fit person. She would have a routine daily that encompassed doing tai-chi, going to the market to buy ingredients and cooking for the family. She was also willing to try out new sports such as golf! Check out this shot with an excellent backswing! 😮
It was until her late eighties and and early nineties that she experienced 2 bouts of cancer. The first was Nasopharyngeal Cacinoma (NPC) which left her largely deaf in both ears. This episode was particularly challenging for mama, having to endured 33 sessions of radiotherapy. Although it was a difficult period for her, she was largely positive throughout the treatment with physical and emotional support from the family. Treatment was completed by 18 December 2014. The second bout was a colon cancer, which despite doctor’s advice, she chose to proceed to do the operation at the age of 96. The decision was aided by clearly constructed power-point slides done by 2nd Uncle/Aunt to explain the pros and cons of doing a major surgery. This episode concluded by 25 Sep 2022. After which, she had a rather remarkable recovery, extending her time by about 8 months and 11 days – during which she celebrated Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year, her birthday and most recently Mother’s Day with the family. Her passion for life stirred her to be determined to recover, spend time with the family and enjoy some meals during this time. Instead of living on palliative care indefinitely, she chose to do the operation which would give her a 50% chance of a better life. Would you have made the bold decision? Thank the Lord for these precious final months that she had with us.
After becoming deaf due to the first bout of cancer, I was thankful that we could still communicate via writing. At the age of 97, it actually not easy to find an almost-centenarian to be able to read and write. I would write on a paper to communicate while she responded verbally. It was also during these communications that I found out that she had the equivalent of primary school education in Chinese. This also enabled her to be a “letter writer” – helping fellow folks to read and write letters to be sent back to China. Despite my almost ineligible handwriting, she was able to read what I wrote in simplified Chinese (简体字). This meant that besides what she learnt in school (likely to be in traditional 繁体字), she continued to adapt to the simplified words by reading Chinese newspapers daily, even till her last days. This also enabled her to watch TV shows and news, using sub-titles – allowing her to be aware of events such as COVID, Russian-Ukraine War and also the recent inflation.
It was my 4th Uncle and Aunt who brought mama to church where she believed and accepted the Lord Jesus as her Saviour. There she learnt about the good news of how much God loves us, even sending his own Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus then rose on the 3rd day, paying the penalty for our sins and overcoming death. On one of these visits, I wrote down some questions:
“What is Christmas?” (The birthday of Jesus)
“Who is Jesus?” (The Son of God)
“What did he do?” (Died on the cross for our sins, resurrecting on the 3rd day)
She was able to answer these questions, demonstrating her understanding and faith in the Lord. But I learnt that her real experience was when she encountered the Lord during her first bout of cancer in the hospital. There, she told me that she had a vision of someone dressed in white and was bright in his appearance. Without a doubt, she told me that she met Jesus. Thank the Lord, that it was with this simple faith, that she was saved.
Dad moved on to share from the passage Job 6:11
“What is my strength, that I should wait? And what is my end, that I should be patient?”
He then explained from Psalm 23:1,3,6 to answer these questions:
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
That our strength is from the Lord. With the providence and protection of the Shepherd, we are safe and we lack nothing. And what is the end? That we will enjoy goodness and love in the house of the Lord forever.
He moved on to thank the Lord that a simple woman of faith such as mama, was not only able to bring up the 7 children but also to unite us in the Lord. It is indeed the grace and mercy of God.
As we go through life, there would be some challenges that we would inevitably encounter in life. We may not be able to answer the questions to “why these things happen” but one day, the Lord will comfort us and let us know face to face – just as He had received mama into her arms today.
2nd Uncle’s Sharing – A Virtuous Woman
2nd Uncle referenced from Proverbs 31 about the Wife of Noble Character
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
2nd Uncle expounded of the following verses
Verse 15 – She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family – She Took Care of the Family
In the early days of the porcelain business, she would wake up early to prepare food for the workers who worked in the business. However, even after the business ceased, she still woke up early to prepare food for the 7 children. She would make a simple breakfast of noodles with sesame oil and chili – making sure that the children were fed before school started.
Verse 20 – She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy – She was Hospitable and Generous
When friends or family were in need, she would allow them to come over, feed them with a simple meal and even offered a roof over their head despite needing to squeeze so many children into the space upstairs. She also heard the calls of her relatives back home and whenever she could, remitted small sums to help out the family in China.
Verse 27 – She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. – She was a Diligent and Efficient Housekeeper
She was very hardworking. Not only taking care of the children but also did sewing work to earn income for the family. At the same time, she was thrifty and managed the household matters well.
Verse 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. – She Worked Hard and Had Resolve
2nd Uncle recalled an instance where she had to bring the kids to cross the road. Despite her petite frame of 155cm, she was carrying a baby, holding the hand of a younger sibling while the rest of the 5 children held on to the hands of each other to cross the road. For someone else, this probably would not have happened. But for mama, she had the resolve to do it and despite her physical size, she pressed on to make the journey happen.
Eldest Grandson Sharing – An Amazing Woman
One of the earliest memories was when mama would give us back massages and taught us how to play a card matching game called 钓鱼 where we would match cards to make the number 10 (i.e. 9 matches with 1, 8 matches with 2 etc.). She also taught us the multiplication tables up to 12.
Because of mama’s intelligence and memory, she would know all the latest happenings in everyone’s life. For instance, which grandchild is studying what now or which uncle is staying where now. She would know all these at the back of her hand. These she would sometimes share with Kor as he is the most conversant in Teochew among all the grand children 😅.
These and more are now beautiful memories that she has left behind.
He is also thankful that because of her faith in Jesus, she has now been brought back into the Father’s arms in heaven. If we would like to one day see mama again, we would be able to do so through faith in our Lord Jesus because He said in John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
It is therefore our hope for you to take this step of faith to believe in Jesus and receive the salvation that He has won for us at the cross.
Second Eldest Granddaughter Sharing – A Caring Lady with a Zest for Life
S started by sharing that as every good sermon goes, there are 3 points to be shared
1. Mama was a caring lady
She would always ask after us. Not only was her memory amazing, she also cared for us truly as individuals. We were not just a “grandchild”, giving us a pat on the head and ang paos during Chinese New Year. She wanted to know about our lives as individuals.
2. Mama was always active – Zest for Life
She enjoyed life, enjoyed being around people. She was always smiling, always contented, doing exercises with the grandchildren. Somehow, she also became cuter with age. Even during the Mother’s Day just a couple of weeks before her demise, she had taken a beautiful picture which was featured during the wake. The Pastor during cremation, remarked that this is uncommon as the elderly would usually choose a nice photo from many years before but mama had been blessed to have such a recent photo featured.
3. Mama had a life worth celebrating
She continued to enjoy life right up to the last day. She was the mama who always held space for us. She always kept fighting and always wanted to share life with us, asking us to visit her regularly (有空再来看我). Truly, she lived a life worth celebrating and it was indeed what we did during the wake. Not to mourn for our loss but to share beautiful memories which she has touched us with.
Youngest Grandson Sharing – Insistent yet willing to Accommodate
J shared that mama was supportive of his facial hair – moustache and goatee and even remarked that he was handsome (he was careful to add that it was her choice words not his) and with the moustache and goatee, resembled a true artist. She even had a pet name for it, call it “2 strokes” (for the moustache) and “1 dot” (for the goatee).
Even while mama was in the hospital, she didn’t forget about marketing her grandson, letting the nurse who attended to her, know that she had a capable grandson with his own business. 😅
However, as a child, J used to be quite scared of mama because she would speak to him in Teochew but he would not understand. Then she would repeat what she said in a louder and more forceful manner. When he still could not understand, she would remark that “A Teochew boy who could not speak Teochew, what is the world coming to?” Nonetheless, at a certain point in time, she stopped speaking in Teochew, choosing a common langauge, Mandarin, which both parties could understand.
This allowed exchanges of personal stories and to J, this signified that mama valued relationships with her grandchildren, rather than the prospect of them speaking in Teochew. When it became clear that he could not reach her on her terms, she was willing to find him where he was.
She was strong, capable and independent. Even though she had ideas of how things should be, she loved us enough to meet us half-way.
Eldest Great Grandson Sharing – How Much She Has Touched Our Lives
“Winging” it, N shared how he would hug and high-five with lao ma whenever he visited (remember adaptability that we mentioned earlier? Don’t think high-fives were popular back in the day). During his sharing, N broke down but was still thankful that the Lord Jesus had brought her back into heaven and that he loves her and will miss her.
A simple but heart-felt sharing, telling us how much mama had touched the lives of all of us through her simple actions and interactions with us.
My Personal Memories
I have intertwined some of my memories above. About how she was an exceptionally intelligent woman, knowing the happenings of everyone in the family and even world events – just by staying at home in HQ (her home which we fondly refer to). She was adaptable through the times and being able to read simplified Chinese and do actions such high-fives / Korean finger hearts, to communicate with her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.
My memories of mama are that:
1. She was always present in my life. From my youngest memories of sleep-overs at HQ, eating some of the best steamed pomfret in Teochew style (you have to use the right plums, tomato, ginger, hua diao, soy sauce in order to get that sweet tangy taste – her curry chicken and shark’s fin soup were favourites too – all self taught by the way) up till milestones such as commissioning in SAFTI, graduation from University and our wedding day, she was always there. From the time I was born, mama was always present in my life and I thank her for being just there for me.
2. She was really cool, just like my parents. As a grandmother, she would initially ask when I would be bringing her a baby to hold. Sadly, I couldn’t. As with what J shared, she would advice me to reduce stressors from work, going for holidays and even physically check on K (by squeezing her arms) to make sure that she was “ok” – being insistent at first. But I loved that after a while, she was cool about it and no longer mentioned about it anymore. Partially thanks to Kor for delivering N – that sure did relieve some pressure there. But just like my parents, she was a really cool mama who no longer insisted her point of view but spoke to me more about my work – where she insisted on other things like “Why is your pay so low? Did you know what your uncles were earning at your age?” etc. Well, that is another story to tell.
3. She had a simple faith in Jesus. In a sense, we both had personal encounters with the Lord. She saw the Lord and I heard him. Through our encounters, we both placed our faith in Him. I’m thankful that she believed and not by just simply agreeing but truly understanding who Jesus is and what He did on the cross for us. Thank the Lord for encountering mama and through her faith, also brought the family closer together.
Just as the verse from Matthew 17:20 says
…For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
The mustard seed is one of the smallest known seeds known during Jesus’ time but he said that even faith as small as a mustard seed would be able to do the impossible. Mama had that simple faith. Through her simple faith, she united a family and inspired generations after her to follow after her example.
Even as the world changed, mama continued to adapt and embraced the changes around her. From youngest aunt’s perspective, “If life is a school, mama was a student with many many distinctions“. From all that had been shared, I truly agree with what 2nd Uncle said. Mama had indeed led a beautiful life! 做得漂亮 Mama!
